To be (with him) or not to be (with him)? That is the question. See, sometimes it is not so clear whether or not a gal should take back her ex or send him packing…forever. Relationships are tricky, feelings get all tangled up and love isn’t like a light switch. Even when the relationship has run its course, there is always a chance it could start up again. And sometimes, people who think they are soul mates are actually better off solo. What’s a woman to do?
When there is confusion surrounding the “What ifs?” of a relationship, deciding to get back with a guy or move on to another can become a difficult internal battle. Discussions may become heavy and heated, tears of laughter and sorrow are shed, and even external pressure from family and friends can add to the mix. The situation is not always cut and dried, especially when a gal isn’t fully committed to giving it another go with her guy or to set her fella free like a butterfly.
For those who can’t pick a lane in matters of love, there are signs to look out for that show it’s worth another shot. On the flip side, there are serious signals that the guy is no good, and it’s time to let him go.
1-He Apologized 100 Times
He’s reeeeeeeally sorry. And he means it this time. If a guy apologizes and it seems sincere, it could be a sign that he’s finally serious, and he’s sorry…truly sorry. He may go out of his way to win his woman back, with “I’m sorry” flowers and Hallmark cards. And if he won’t stop until she hears him out, he means business.
Lots of guys are too proud to beg for forgiveness, so if a guy is basically down on his knees asking for another shot, taking him back may be a beautiful thing. She can be sure he’ll never make that same mistake (whatever it was) again.
2-She Can’t Find Anyone Better
While this may not be the healthiest reason to take back an ex, it is a realistic one. Sometimes a girl wants to see what else is out there, only coming to learn that her ex was the best of the bunch. Nobody should ever settle, but if she seeks something special and the most special guy was the one who got away, getting him back is a gift.
When people start their relationship off when they’re young, it could be a good idea to “play the field” before making any formal commitments. If the guy for her turns out to be her original sweetheart, then bouncing back to him isn’t such a bad thing.
3-He Has Matured
Sometimes a girl lets her guy go because he is super-immature and she’s finally fed up. It’s one thing to have fun and let loose, but quite another when the guy is an utter embarrassment in any given situation. But as time passes, a man can “man up,” and grow to become more mature. With time comes experience, and with experience comes wisdom.
Once the guy wises up, she can reassess the relationship and see if his maturity level now matches hers. If he is somewhere in the “brain development” ballpark, they can give the romance another go.
4-She Realized Breaking Up Was A Mistake
Sometimes people break up and come to realize the idea was a bad one. Breaking up is often done in the heat of the moment, when emotions are at a high point and neither party is thinking clearly or logically. Soon after – sometimes even the very next day – she may rethink the breakup and wish it never happened. And he may be feeling the same way.
She will swallow her pride and give him a call, asking for another chance to make things right. If he’s on board with that idea, the mini-breakup can be a blip in an otherwise happy, long lasting relationship.
5-They Have A Child Together
If a couple is in an unhealthy relationship, sticking it out for the children won’t solve anything. It doesn’t do the kids any favors to see their parents fighting, and it’ll set a poor example of what a healthy relationship looks like. But if things aren’t bad and both parties want to see if they can work it out, perhaps the child is the perfect catalyst to reconnect and start with a fresh perspective on parenting as well as a positive partnership.
A child should never be put in the middle of things, but they certainly count when it comes to rekindling a relationship.
6-She Loves His Family
Sometimes a gal wants to get back with her ex because his family is simply fantastic. Seems strange, but there is more to a relationship than the two people in it, especially when things are serious. If a guy is close to his family, they are sure to be in the picture all the time. And if they’re cool, it’s a major bonus.
But break up with the guy, and, poof, there goes his family. They’re not going to side with her, so they’ll be gone along with her guy. If the whole family dynamic thing is what drives her, she may just want to see if she can make things work with her ex, then she can get back with the “Brady Bunch” too.
7-He Makes Her A Better Person
In an ideal world, a person should be the best version of themselves bythemselves. The whole “better half” concept sounds cute, but shouldn’t both people in a relationship be strong on their own before pairing up with a partner? Some people say their partner “completes” them, but why were they missing such a significant chunk of self in the first place?
That said, there are people in our lives who bring out the best in us. It doesn’t make us weak to begin with, but someone else can make us stronger, happier, etc. So, if a girl dumps her guy but regrets her actions, she may want him back once she realizes he was an uplifting force in her life.
8-They’re Best Friends
When a girl is not only dating a guy but considers him her best friend too, a breakup can be a double whammy. It’s hard to go back to being “just friends” after being “more than friends.” A great relationship has many layers. Being best friends with a lover is the icing on the cake. But it can also be something far from sweet when the romantic aspect fizzles.
Sometimes, taking a step back and looking at the big picture can lead a lady to get back with her ex/bestie. What could be better? Whatever caused the breakup can be dealt with – best friends always figure things out – and then they can go back to the wonderful way things used to be.
9-He Was Her First Love
A woman always holds a special place in her heart for her first love. But most people move on, date others, and wind up with somebody else. It’s usually because they were too young to rule out all other options, and by the time they realize their first love was the finest, it may be too late.
But if that first love is available, a girl may be in luck if he’s willing to rekindle that first flame. They can fall right back into place, but now they’ll approach one another from a whole new perspective. And what a great story for the grandkids!
10-He Changed His Ways
Sometimes a woman needs to let her guy go so he can heal. It doesn’t mean she’s leaving him when times get tough, but rather giving him space to do what he needs to do to get his life back on track. He may have done things to hurt her – perhaps he stepped out on her or put her in stressful situations. In such cases, it takes time for a woman to recover. On the other hand, he may be in need of a doctor’s care or some other sort of rehabilitation to become a healthier, happier person.
Once he feels he’s doing well, she may want to see if the relationship can still make it. If he has gone through so much to mend himself, she can feel confident that he’ll put just as much effort into her.
No woman deserves to be with a man who talks down to her. It’s a sign of his insecurity, not a reflection of her worth. Move on from this menace. He doesn’t deserve the time of day, let alone a relationship with a great gal. If a woman already broke up with such a louse and is thinking about taking him back, she ought to have her head examined.
Words have power and can be hurtful to a person’s emotional state. He needs to figure out why he’s toxic, and in the meantime she can get with a guy who treats her like gold.
12-He Can’t Keep A Job
It is perfectly understandable if someone gets laid off or loses their job. But if a guy can’t hold down a job for more than a couple of days, it’s a sign that’s screaming, “Move on!” It’s not that a woman can’t support her man if she chooses to do so, but it shows that he’s not motivated or concerned about the future.
Chances are slim that he’ll win the lottery, so before long his bank account will run dry and he’ll be mooching off his girlfriend. Unless she’s willing to put up with his permanent unemployed status, moving on is the best choice she can make. Without her handouts, he’ll be forced to look for a paycheck pronto.
13-He’s Stepping Out On Her
If he hurt you once, he’ll hurt you again? Perhaps that’s not the case for every man who has stepped outside of his relationship, but why wait around to see if it’s true? Disloyalty can ruin a relationship for good, even if the woman wholeheartedly accepts her guy’s apology.
No matter how hard she tries, there will always be the thought in the back of her head that he will do it again. And that’s no way to live. Unless she can truly say she’s over the drama and will never give it another thought ever again, moving on from the no-good guy is a choice she can feel confident with. Was his “slip up” really worth the loss of a great lady? Probably not, but he made his bed, and now he’ll have to lie in it…alone.
14-He’s Not A Good Role Model
There’s something about the “bad boy” that many women find attractive. But when things start to get serious, his wild ways are not as appealing. And if a woman has marriage and babies on the brain, she’ll look at her guy and see someone who’s a poor example of a decent dad or stand-up husband.
She can’t expect him to change overnight, and he may feel fine just the way he is. If he’s perfectly happy with the bad boy he has become, then she’ll have to move on and find a fella who’s more mature and ready for the next steps.
There’s nothing good that can come from being in a relationship with a guy who’s a sneak. He’ll lie straight to her face without any remorse or regret. She’ll never know where he is, who he’s with, or what he’s up to. And even if she thought she knew, chances are he told her something else so he could do what he wanted to without her knowledge.
A woman needs to know she can trust her man to be open, honest, and upfront. Being with a sneak means she’ll constantly question his every move. Let the sneak do his thing and move on without a second thought.
16-He Is Mean To His Mom
A man who’s mean to his mom? Total deal-breaker. It’s one thing if a guy doesn’t have the greatest relationship with his mother, but if he’s downright rude to the woman who raised him, he is classless and crass.
Imagine how he’ll treat his woman if he can’t even be kind to his own mother. If a woman sees his man interact with his mom in a less-than desirable way, it’s a red flag that should never be ignored. Not only does his mom deserve so much more, but the woman he’s with does too. Move on and find a kind-hearted “mama’s boy.”
17-He’s A Cheapskate
Not every guy is loaded. Lots of men live paycheck to paycheck, and they ought to be respected for their hard work. The men who make millions also have the right to spend their money as they wish. But that’s where the fine line comes in. There’s a difference between being careful with money and being a cheapskate. If the guy seems to only become a cheapskate when it comes to his woman, she should see this as a major sign to move on.
He’ll take her on a date and suggest she orders the cheapest thing on the menu while he goes all out. On her birthday, he’ll reuse the card he gave her last year while using his last three bucks to buy himself a comic book. If times are tough, it should be something they both must deal with. But when he only pinches pennies when it comes to spending on her, she should know she’s worth a lot more.
18-He Won’t Marry Her
If a couple has been together for ages and all signs are pointing towards marriage, a woman feels confident that she’ll be getting a ring sometime soon. They may have even discussed their future and she believed they were on the same page. But in comes excuse after excuse, and he’s suddenly not so excited about saying “I do” anymore.
If he keeps stringing her along with no sign of marriage in sight, she may want to move on if marriage is something she wants for her future – with or without him. She should not have to wait another five years for him to finally call it quits.
19-She Can Do A Lot Better
Sometimes women settle for the wrong man. Perhaps it is because they are not feeling their best or because they landed headfirst into a “rebound” relationship. Whatever the reason, there are times when a woman goes for the frog rather than Prince Charming.
Maybe it makes her feel more powerful or prettier. Perhaps she loves how her man thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread since he normally could have never gotten a girl as great as she is. But once she realizes she’s in a relationship with someone who’s not quite her speed, she’ll need to move on to find a man who matches her potential.
20-They Have Nothing In Common
They say opposites attract, but when people are completely different, the initial interest can turn into a big question mark. Without a thing in common, the connection will fizzle and all that will be left is a big blank stare in her eyes. Maybe the attraction was the lack of similarity, making every moment fresh and new. Perhaps his good looks made her forget how little they had in common.
But as time passes, the newness wears off and they’re left with nothing more than their incompatibility. Opposites may attract, but nobody says that makes for a great relationship. Move on and find a man who shares (at least a few of) your passions and interests.