I never thought I’d be one of those girls who loves without holding back.
I never thought I’d be the first one to put my cards all in without ever getting positive feedback from the other side. But, life has its own ways, and I ended up loving someone who never really loved me.
I loved someone who couldn’t love me as much as I loved him. I loved you. And you never really loved me.
I chose to stay even when anyone else, even when any other normal person, would’ve walked away a long time ago.
I thought if I put in extra effort for us, things would go another way. That things would eventually come to the road where I saw us two walking. So, I stayed even when I shouldn’t have. I waited for you longer than I should have.
I found hope when everyone else would’ve given up.
I found hope in places no one would ever think of looking. I did it all because I thought you were worthy. I thought there was a good side of yours that you didn’t feel comfortable showing because you had been broken before.
I thought if I stayed long enough, you’d see that I wasn’t like others. I hoped you’d see that I cared. I thought you’d have seen me for who I was, not through your previous experiences. But it’s not that you were broken. I just mistook you for a broken guy.
I loved you with my whole heart.
I decided not to hold back. Even if it killed me, I decided to really make a spot for you in my heart. I thought each human being deserved to be loved in the right way and the only right way was to love with a whole heart.
I decided not to listen to others when they told me I was just wasting myself on someone who would never appreciate me. I wanted to prove everyone wrong and I only ended up proving myself wrong.
I loved you even when you were unlovable.
From the beginning, you were a horribly hard person. The easiest thing out there, such as loving, you made so damn hard. I actually wanted to love you and you made it mission impossible. And even when you behaved like a total jerk, even when you didn’t deserve to be loved, I loved you from the bottom of my heart.
I hoped my love would be enough, I thought you would realize that there weren’t many people ready to love you for who you were so selflessly as I did.
But nothing I did was enough to make you stay. Because you were never meant to stay. You were only sent to my road to teach me a lesson. And, my God, what a lesson you were.
I’d be lying if I said the lesson you taught me was an easy one. But now, at the end, I have no regrets. I honestly don’t. Even though I didn’t get what I wanted or deserved, I got a lesson I needed.
The ugly truth is that you can’t make a man stay regardless of what you do for him. You can’t make anyone want you if he doesn’t want to want you. You can’t force love if there isn’t love from the other side. And, no matter how hard you try, you can’t fix people if they don’t want to be fixed.
I wanted to be a hero and to save your heart. That’s why I tried so hard. I wanted to be the one who was always there for you and I wanted you to notice me. But that’s where I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have forced you to notice me. I shouldn’t have died for you so you could live. But still, I don’t regret it.
You were my life’s lesson. One that I’ll remember for a long time.
I’ll remember how I loved and how I wasn’t loved back. I’ll remember how life isn’t always fair and how I won’t be loved by the wrong guy regardless of how hard I try.
But I’ll also remember that there will be someone who’ll love me even when I am unlovable, just like I loved you. The only difference is that I’ll be capable of appreciating that person. Something you never did for me.